It’s been a rough few days on the American political scene so, naturally, I feel like writing about something orange and kind-of-disgusting that deeply divides the country. No, not that one: I’m talking Pumpkin Spice.

The calendar says it’s fall, though you wouldn’t know it from the weather, which is still topping out well into the 70s Fahrenheit every day (21 to 26 Celsius); or from the trees, with most of the ones in our neighborhood still resolutely green. However, America’s retailers are never slow to cash in on something, and as soon as mid-September rolled around they once again turned the shops and malls resolutely orange.

This is the display that greets you when you walk into our local Trader Joe’s supermarket. Pumpkin baking mix; pumpkin spice snack bars; and pumpkin spice cookies. There’s pumpkin butter, pumpkin breakfast cereal, something called pumpkin spiced almond beverage (I have no idea) and, god help us, pumpkin spice tea.

Yes, you can nibble on pumpkin biscotti with your cup of pumpkin spice coffee (shudder).

There are pumpkins and squashes everywhere—most of the more colorful ones are more likely to end up as decorations than as ingredients (note the “shellacked gourds” sign). These are at the local Trader Joe’s and the Acme supermarket.

Side note: Our first fall in this house in the suburbs I cheerfully “decorated” the front porch with a collection of pumpkins of various sizes, like the ones below currently on offer at the local Acme. Within 24 hours all of the smaller ones had disappeared. I couldn’t fathom who would steal tiny pumpkins—until I heard a chattering overhead and saw a squirrel perched on a branch of the maple tree, clutching a half-eaten pumpkin. So, I bought a large plastic one and put that outside every year, instead.

Back to the pumpkin spice obsession. Check out the Trader Joe’s dessert options. Apple spice jam and “rustic apple tarte” actually sound quite nice (even with that annoying “e” tacked onto the end), but pumpkin marble mousse? Pumpkin cheesecake?!

I know people who are ecstatic about Pumpkin Spice Season. They compete to see who can be the first to score a pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks, with all the zeal of a bird-watcher looking for the first robin of the spring. Now, I do like the apple-cranberry scents they waft around in shops like Bed, Bath & Beyond and the lovely fall-color plants and decorations are a treat. And, I have no problem with a well-made pumpkin pie; personally, I prefer pecan, but each to their own. But coffee should taste like coffee, not some overly-sweet vegetable concoction.

Pumpkin flavored ice cream sounds horrendous to me—but the worst pumpkin item ever was the bottle of pumpkin beer a sister-in-law gave the Spouse a few years ago. She thought it was funny. Always one to try something different, Spouse did eventually try a mouthful. The rest went down the sink.

Looking for an image of pumpkin beer I found this: a pumpkin spice latte stout courtesy of Breckenridge Brewery of Colorado. I’ll just leave it here with no comment.